If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
