Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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