As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Randomize
