Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
