I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Randomize
