today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
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