pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
