So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize