My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Randomize