I can text with my tongue
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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