why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
