Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
