Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Randomize
