you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
