threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
