The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
