so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Randomize
