the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
