Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
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