And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
