I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
its not stalking. its research.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
