I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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