haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
