The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Randomize
