Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
