Heybabeimwearingurpanties
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
