the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
