I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
