Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
