Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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