I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
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