Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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