Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
