Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
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