so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
