if i can run in heels then i can drive
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Blood and glitter go together right?
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Randomize
