Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
