cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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