took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
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