8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
