We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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