Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
