Will you blow on my dice?
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Randomize
