I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
