The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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