Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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