So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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