Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
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