i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
