Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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