i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
