im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
