Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
