We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
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