He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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