i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
