How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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