she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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