Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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