I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
