Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
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