omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
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