Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
