I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
