hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Randomize
