if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Randomize
