Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
where does the pee come out of this thing
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I have fence marks all over my body
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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