I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
We left an ass print on the piano.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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