i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
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