You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
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