there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
my shit smells like andre
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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